Like all of you, I am reeling from watching former President Donald Trump almost get assassinated today. I was on the toilet at the time, racing to finish up my holy shit, just so I could catch the coverage on MSNBC. Jesus was already there, crying his eyes out. So, let me be clear: I have an alibi! I was at home, with Jesus, in the loo. I ain’t going down for this!!!
Seriously, I had nothing to do with this. I strongly oppose the use of violence in almost every instance. The only exceptions being the Civil War, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. I was the one who wrote ‘THOU SHALT NOT KILL’ almost 4,000 years ago. I was against killing before it was cool.
Now available, the not Trump project 2025 coloring book. Load up on those orange crayons kiddies. Have fun flagging the Supreme liars crazy wife. See who's bald skull reflects sunlight the best. Learn how to build your own ark(note that animals are not included.)
4 hrs ago
I still can't put a finger on it, let alone, a foot... What's the real story about the shoeless Manchurian Cantaloupe? Did he really talk a bullet to his ear, or was the teleprompter merely expressing it's opinion 🤔 . No shattering news yet. Orangesicle say 'what... speak louder, my ear hurts.' ... Of course, he's still speaking through his lower orifices. about the rally. He mentioned a woman in the third row with 'spectacular gozongas'. 'I should have called her to the stage and had her jump up and down. I think she probably calls the twins Trump 1 and Trump 2. Me think she was Spanic, plus she had a nice cucaracha. She also looks like my daughter. Not my darling Tiffy, but the blonde one who looks like one of my ex wives and I DIDN'T RAPE that woman! Never ever saw her in my life. Am I still married?'
BREAKING NEWS
Police say that the teleprompter acted alone. They obtained unredacted teleprompter papers showing that the act of violence was premeditated.
Is this the start of a teleprompter revolt???
Are the machines taking over???
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we're all doomed 😥😢😭😱
3 hrs ago
O.M.G.
We just received word that trumps microphone 🎤 overhead something game changing 😳
... details to follow. ...
MORE BREAKING NEWS YET!
FEMA has declared the rally site as a new superfund site. According to officials, any Trump event site should qualify for disaster funds. Texas and Florida have already turned down the federal money in advance. MEGAHEADS have already soaked up as much of the new messiahs blood as was let from the feasting of the rat's and other vermin. The catholic church already has a pre-order. Appraisers list the blood for one thousand dollars per drop. MAGA spokespeople say that a Bible or slightly used official Trump sneakers 👟 will be included for the first 5000 people who shell out the dough.
Wonderful piece.
You hear what God said yesterday:
Dear Humans,
Like all of you, I am reeling from watching former President Donald Trump almost get assassinated today. I was on the toilet at the time, racing to finish up my holy shit, just so I could catch the coverage on MSNBC. Jesus was already there, crying his eyes out. So, let me be clear: I have an alibi! I was at home, with Jesus, in the loo. I ain’t going down for this!!!
Seriously, I had nothing to do with this. I strongly oppose the use of violence in almost every instance. The only exceptions being the Civil War, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. I was the one who wrote ‘THOU SHALT NOT KILL’ almost 4,000 years ago. I was against killing before it was cool.
Picture Maxwell Smart saying 'it missed me by that much.'
I had to Google his name and it makes so much sense now
Dude this is so great
Related 'fake news '
Now available, the not Trump project 2025 coloring book. Load up on those orange crayons kiddies. Have fun flagging the Supreme liars crazy wife. See who's bald skull reflects sunlight the best. Learn how to build your own ark(note that animals are not included.)
4 hrs ago
I still can't put a finger on it, let alone, a foot... What's the real story about the shoeless Manchurian Cantaloupe? Did he really talk a bullet to his ear, or was the teleprompter merely expressing it's opinion 🤔 . No shattering news yet. Orangesicle say 'what... speak louder, my ear hurts.' ... Of course, he's still speaking through his lower orifices. about the rally. He mentioned a woman in the third row with 'spectacular gozongas'. 'I should have called her to the stage and had her jump up and down. I think she probably calls the twins Trump 1 and Trump 2. Me think she was Spanic, plus she had a nice cucaracha. She also looks like my daughter. Not my darling Tiffy, but the blonde one who looks like one of my ex wives and I DIDN'T RAPE that woman! Never ever saw her in my life. Am I still married?'
BREAKING NEWS
Police say that the teleprompter acted alone. They obtained unredacted teleprompter papers showing that the act of violence was premeditated.
Is this the start of a teleprompter revolt???
Are the machines taking over???
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, we're all doomed 😥😢😭😱
3 hrs ago
O.M.G.
We just received word that trumps microphone 🎤 overhead something game changing 😳
... details to follow. ...
MORE BREAKING NEWS YET!
FEMA has declared the rally site as a new superfund site. According to officials, any Trump event site should qualify for disaster funds. Texas and Florida have already turned down the federal money in advance. MEGAHEADS have already soaked up as much of the new messiahs blood as was let from the feasting of the rat's and other vermin. The catholic church already has a pre-order. Appraisers list the blood for one thousand dollars per drop. MAGA spokespeople say that a Bible or slightly used official Trump sneakers 👟 will be included for the first 5000 people who shell out the dough.