Yep. It's feeling sorry for myself week
That picture is from an article entitled "Stop feeling sorry for yourself". But of course, also Abortion
Yep. Starting another fun week of “let’s feel sorry for myself”. Cuz apparently I just can’t help it. Started today by bashing my forehead into a cabinet. And fuck it still hurts. My cat in the background meowing like they have the worst life ever despite getting nonstop attention and food. It hurts my soul. But he won’t tell me what his problem is. It’s pitch black outside and I’m in a robe, I’m not taking you outside fool. I want attention online but I don’t want to learn how to get it. Because I don’t want to learn. See what I mean. I want to go out and be active and meet people. Do I? Nah. I mean I try. It’s hard where I am at now, cuz everyone knows everything. I sit on my porch, I walk to the beach constantly, it’s no surprise where I live. And the local watering holes seem depressing. I can’t see clients in a bar! Oooof, but I don’t even want to go to the bar. I’ll be in my head thinking about how stupid I look. But I do want to go. I want to be my awesome, hilarious self. This is a depressive episode. Poor privileged little white girl. I even cried in the damn shower, what the fuck. I grounded myself, and I thought why am I crying? The usual is the only thing I can come up. I feel like a fraud, an imposter. But then I feel I’m the most real person that exists. I feel like a bold, strong badass sometimes ready to claw out the eyes of anyone that fucks with me or my crew. Then I feel like a shy, scared idiot hiding and running away. I’ve literally rushed away from awkward situations. But my thing was “be the awkward”. Be the person that doesn’t agree with everything. Be honest. Don’t be a sheep. Don’t be a follower. I am a leader, I can lead. Other times, I just want some asshole to take charge so I don’t have to raise my hand. I was that nerd that the science teacher would rely on when no one would volunteer for anything. I was more than happy to. We had some fun experiments.
Up and down, up and down. It’s hard to do therapy. The mental health therapist only sees the day and the mood I am in that day. She can’t really get the spectrum. I explain it of course to the best of my ability. But that is tough. The last session we talked about my childhood. I haven’t done that in forever. There were a few incidents I experienced as a child and I didn’t tell my parents right away. When I look back on it, my first reaction is because I was scared they would go to jail themselves, or get in trouble. Because they would be so fucking pissed, they would march to wherever I am and kick the ass of the person that hurt me. Then I wondered if it was the old standby, I just didn’t want to bother them with my stupid whining. She had me pretend my 13-year-old self was next to me and to talk to her. I didn’t like what I thought. I didn’t like what I said. I want to make it clear, my parents are awesome, two of my best friends, had an amazing childhood and hope I get to live with them again one day. But not because I’m a total failure and got fired or quit or whatever.
Just reading this, thinking about what I am saying. I feel like a moron, I sound like a child myself. I don’t even know why we came to talking about my childhood. I will say when I went through puberty, it traumatized me. The rage and depression I felt about it. Maybe that is when it all began. Mental health is hereditary. I’ve historically received both my mother’s and father’s condition. Except blood pressure, because my mom’s tended to be higher and my dad’s is ridiculously low. His doctor begs him to eat salt constantly basically. I’ve been cutting back, actually I need to be more vigilant, because I have dropped the ball a bit. My chonk cat is clawing the shit out of my sweet office chair. I mean I got it for free off someone’s lawn and I’ve let them do whatever they want, but damn boy he was really digging in those claws. I wish Amanda Rollins never forgave her sister. What a fucking cunt setting her up. Maybe that is the problem, I’m binging too much SVU.
That does remind me of another thing, I think I am part evil. My bloodlust for revenge is quite extreme. I catch myself being appalled by shows, movies, books, that have characters who feel sorry for people who deserve death, actually receive death. I get it, the whole “who makes me the judge and executioner”. Blah, who cares. Yes, most of my thoughts on life are more “fair” I guess, for lack of a better word. But there are some people who I would smile if they died. I truly think I would. I know, I know, you never know until the moment hits. I have had freeze moments in my past too. I might have to take back wishing Rollins never forgave her sister. She was crying “she is still my sister” so that takes me back, well if it were my sister. But now I take that back. Rollins walks into her empty apartment with the note “I helped myself to some things, I love you Amanda”. Literally cleaned her out.
I did say perhaps I should stop binging SVU but another episode just started. I am getting a real bed soon! So excited. Okay. It’s Bipolar Rage. It’s a thing! Wow, nice. I need a self-help group for this rage, I’m gonna look for this app I was told you can basically join any group anywhere on the internet and talk out your shit. I would like to meet some rageaholics.
The U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday heard a challenge to the Food and Drug Administration's regulation of mifepristone, a widely used drug used in medication abortions.
In what was the most significant reproductive rights case brought before the high court since its conservative majority overruled Roe v. Wade in 2022, most of the justices, across ideological lines, appeared skeptical of restricting access to the abortion pill nationwide and repeatedly questioned whether the group of anti-abortion doctors who brought the case had standing to sue and seek such a sweeping remedy.
A decision in the case is expected by the end of June.
That’s from an ABC news article. Not sure if yall seen this yet. Yeah good idea. Ban the abortion pill from being sent to women. Good fucking idea. There are tens of millions of women, especially RURAL, that have no access to reproductive health. Or limited access because not every woman has resources. Money to pay for it. Money for gas. Maybe a hotel depending on the distance. Follow ups the next day. Since some states have gone back to the dark ages.
Again, great idea. Let’s have hundreds of thousands of unwanted babies be born. GREAT FUCKING IDEA. It’s nice that the Supreme Court has such leisure to decide this. Fuck talking about what actually decreases abortions or perhaps initiating federal sex ed education. Oh and here is another CRAZY, INSANE idea. How about FUNDING education and healthcare? Jesus fucking christ. 2024 and our Supreme fucking court gets to ponder over whether or not to allow women control of their bodies. We have a moldy fucking orange (someone called him a bloated yam, and that one is great too, I think we should all create more nicknames for that sickening excuse for a human being) who is going to be President again. He won’t face any real consequences. A real consequence is making him live in poverty, with low wages, low-income housing and limited resources. Honestly prison would be better for him, he’ll be able to be cared for, as usual since he’s never worked a day in his life, he’ll play tennis and golf. Remember when Kevin Hart says that to Will Ferrell in Get Hard? Hilarious.
So if we really want to hurt him, make him live off $25K a year and live in a neighborhood he would say is a shithole. But honestly will he even get any fucking consequence? I think I would actually accidentally kill myself from absolute shock if he does. What if he wins? Like for real. Everyone talking about moving, we know that is bluster. I mean, sure if someone said “We have a job for you here in _________” I would leave so fucking fast. There are so many countries I would be down for. So damn many. Maybe I could actually dedicate myself to serving humans, in the trenches. I’m in the trenches but it’s a normal 40 hour week trenches with a home and stuff. Maybe I’ll be in a shack, and just helping people constantly. I could finally train to be the next Equalizer or an Italian racecar driver. I’ll join the Peace Corp for real. There was a moment in my life where I started that process and filled out the application. I think a job stopped me.
And a reminder about how prolife we are. Just wait until the new statistics come in. All these children being born. Unwanted. Poverty waiting for them. Not everyone has resources. But everyone knows how to fuck. Everyone is exposed to bullshit myths, stigma and lies about sexual health.
#ProLife*
*unborn only
DAILY GUN VIOLENCE IMPACTING CHILDREN AND TEENS (1-17)
Every day, 23 children and teens (1-17) are shot in the United States. Among those:
6 die from gun violence
3 are murdered
17 children and teens survive gunshot injuries
8 are intentionally shot by someone else and survive
2 children and teens either die from gun suicide or survive an attempted gun suicide
8 children and teens are unintentionally shot in instances of family fire — a shooting involving an improperly stored or misused gun found in the home resulting in injury or death
Not everyone knows how to fuck.
https://www.newsweek.com/couple-couldnt-conceive-because-theyve-been-having-sex-wrong-way-four-years-1089162
Love the idea of making Trump live on or below the breadline. I’ve often thought it would be good if all would be MPs and Congressmen/women had to do that for six months before standing for election.
We all need to have a good rant and blow off steam. 🤬
Look at it this way: even if you only change one person’s mind, then that person could well go out and change someone else’s mind. You’re reaching more people than you might think.
When the news and politics get too much, I do virtual pottery on my iPad (much less messy than the real thing!) or draw some pictures on an art app. Or even just puzzles like sudoku.
Hope you feel better soon, so take care of yourself. You’re the real deal, so ignore the part of you that says otherwise.
All best wishes. 💐😘